Mum, Luke graduated from university yesterday!! You would have been so so proud and yet again I HATE HATE HATE that you are missing out on such a special thing, it is just not bloody fair Mum. Luke missed you yesterday too and I know Dad did bless him. I miss you every single day, more than anyone knows (apart from you I hope) I love you Mum xxxx

Mum you would not believe the hell we are going through once again right now, our precious Alan, you firstborn had to have an operation last week and they thing they have found a tumour! how bloody unfair is that? as if being unable to communicate or live with his family is not enough to out someone through. Now it seems your youngest child John is ill too, they are referring him for urgent kidney tests, I am trying to keep them and poor dad going while waiting for my own test results (that really are not as important as the boys) hope you are somehow watching over them Mum they need you xxx

A Whole Year Without a Mum. Today is an anniversary I had never thought about. A mother is someone you should never be without. Your protector, your confidant and your best friend. But I was not with her when it came to the end. How can I ever be forgiven, how can I ever forget. For the rest of my life I will live with that regret. So many things Mum has missed out on this past year. So many milestones she had the right to be here. Big birthdays, big moments in her grandchildren's lives. Silly things she would have laughed at if she was still alive. Little jokes we shared just between us. Taking the kids out to Uxbridge with my dad on the bus. Nothing is the same, how can it be Doesn't feel like a year since you were last with me. But in other ways it feels like forever. Since the last time we were all here together. I still can't accept I will never see you again. I get told time will heal, but no one says when. I've learned time changes nothing, not love, not hurt. A year gone by and it only feels worse. I try to help everyone but nothing is right. Not getting easier like people think it might. I grow you roses, I take you flowers. I cry for you and Bailey in the dark night hours. I love you Mum, my love lives on. That does not change just because you are gone. You were my Mum and you are still. As more years go by, you always will.